Stress and Perfectionism

From the moment I had opened my eyes in the morning I was already adding unneeded stress by trying to be as productive as I felt I should be. The idea of being perfect became my daily goal, but was never achieved because nothing was ever considered to be good enough.

No matter what I did or how much I succeeded I always felt that there was something more I couldn’t done to be essentially “Perfect”

Normal daily tasks that are simple to a typical human being became stressful as I made them more complicated than they needed to be.

It got to the point where I couldn’t go to the bathroom without taking my cell phone. As if I was being that much more productive by the whole 20 seconds I was in there.

Surfing the web soon became more work than play. My internet explorer was full of tabs every time I opened my computer and I couldn’t stay on my page any longer than 20 seconds before flipping to the next. Listening to lectures for school was the worst and I would have my cell phone out at the same time once again trying to do as much as I could.

I ignored people; I stopped being social. I felt that during that time with my friends I could be doing something much more productive instead of essentially wasting time with my friends. This ended in the loss of many relationships.

But what was the worst?

Exercise became a chore.

Sports, well exercise in general, were once the best things in my life. When I lost myself to this illness, I lost my love for what made me truly happy.

You see people everyday pushing themselves to do exercise unwillingly. People walking on the treadmill while scrolling through Facebook or catching up on the latest news on the big screen TV’s in front of them. Never did I think that I would become a part of that stereotype.

What happened to mindfully exercising for the pleasure of nourishing our bodies and for the simple endorphin’s we earn? We strive to be better, to be more productive, to be the best that we can be in order to fit

Personally it got so bad that I would tell myself I needed to go for a walk to “clear my head” yet the whole time I would be scrolling through my Instagram which inevitably was stressing me out even more without even realizing it. I mean I couldn’t do a plank without grabbing my cell phone to scroll through my feed once again.

This wasn`t the life that I wanted to live for the rest of my life and I knew that.

I want to enjoy exercise, I want to enjoy the time with friends and I want to enjoy life.

Incredibly all of those things that I want are possible, but only if, I myself, put the effort into making change.

5 months and many self induced changes

It’s possible, don’t let anyone tell you any different

Curiosity time: 

• Do you feel you stress yourself out?
• What coping mechanisms are you using?

When Social Media is no longer fun and games

Ask yourself:

Do you find yourself needing to post everything you eat on your social media?

honestly though, my drunk nights are really irrelevant to the rest of the world…

Do you base your meals around what you see other people eating?

Are you losing sleep because you’re scrolling through the lives of other people all night ?

Oh and my favorite…

Have you ever “apologized” to your online community for not posting or for being away from social media?

Wake up and smell the roses people

This lifestyle is far from being healthy but you know what, sadly I can say I’ve been guilty of doing them all at some point or another.

I allowed every choice I made throughout the day to be influenced by what I would see on the screen on my iPhone. Upon waking up my first thought wasn’t what I felt like eating for breakfast, but instead what pretty creation I could come up with to later on be posted on my Instagram.

It would take me at least an hour to made a recipe, bake it, and then after 20 minutes and 100 photos later post it for all of my followers to see. There were countless times when I would make these beautiful meals and then pick it apart after I got the Perfect picture because I didn’t want to eat it but simply wanted it to appear more photogenic. I knew I didn’t truly want the food that I was creating but I did it to essentially “fit in” and to feel apart of that fitfam community that seemed like all the rage.

I’ll admit I still love social media but in the past year I have made a lot of changes to how I interact with it as I finally realized the negative effects it was having on my health. I still make recipes because I have a passion to do so, but the difference now is that I do it for me and no one else.

Reflecting on my own behaviors has really made an impact on who and what I choose to consider a part of my life today.

I no longer try to be someone that I’m not, nor want to be, just because I’m trying to fit in, and nor should you. 

Take the initiative to reflect on your own behaviors and be aware of what and who you look up to in your own life.

Intuitive Eating

I love food especially a lot of different varieties of food.

but for a while, too long to be honest….

I was in a rut of eating the same things over and over again; convincing myself that that was all that my body wanted when really, I was just to stubborn to step out of my comfort zone and find enjoyment in food again.

The other day for breakfast I just wanted a salad with chicken, quinoa and lots of greens, so that’s what I ate at 8am in the morning.

Sometimes I crave my canadian pancakes with maple syrup,

Other days maybe I want a greasy pizza from a take away stand.

Either way, It really doesn’t matter to anyone but myself.

No one will judge me for eating what I love, enjoying food or listening to my body.

Simple as that.

By listening to my body and actually giving it what it craves, I’m nourishing it and i’m creating a healthy balance. By telling myself that is it wrong to want certain foods I’m doing the complete opposite.

I used to feel guilty for eating what I actually wanted when I was in the beginning stages of gaining weight because of the hateful responses I would get from the others.

“why don’t you ever eat a pint of ice cream”

or “why don’t you buy chocolate bars regularly”

oh and the classic “just eat a hamburger why don’t you”

what they don’t realize is those words are NOT encouraging and come off as being the complete opposite making you feel like you’re doing the wrong thing by not eating a certain food or following a “trend”

Imagine telling someone who’s trying to lose weight, to stop eating so much, or to just eat a salad already. You wouldn’t say that would you? Then why are people shaming the ones trying to gain weight by doing the same? 

As a recovering orthorexic I’ve been that girl who ate salads day in and day out restricting my body from what it actually wanted, which for the most part was carbs. Oh the evil carbs. 

Learning to eat intuitive has taken time and patience. My body was fed such a limited diet for so long, the cravings for other foods wasn’t an instant process. I started slow and introduced ice cream, chocolates, pizza, etc.. back into my life and have found what foods I actually enjoy eating and what ones my body tells me that it does want.

I fell into this really negative trap of mindless eating and still struggle with it each and everyday in some way or another. I have a tendency to consume food without making it an experience and actually enjoying the flavors and quality of what I’m eating.

Apparently I’m more satisfied with hearty savory foods as opposed to salty. I could eat pizza over pretzels or chips any day when given the choice but now I know what to choose.

When it comes to desserts I like cake over ice cream, does that make me any less of a person because I don’t want the Ben and Jerry’s?

Hell no.

The fact that I’m listening to my body and giving it what it wants shows more strength than following the crowd.

I started looking at food as fuel and not as just something that was going into my body.

Question time: 

• Are you an intuitive eater?
• Have you found foods that you love but didn’t realize until you made the switch?

Why a meal plan didn’t work for me

I’m a huge planner, with literally everything in my life so when meal plans were in my thoughts of how to find a better balance with food I thought that it would be perfect. Little did I realize that this type of recover was completely negative for me.

This being said I have never been forced into changing my lifestyle and am not under any medical care, therefore I have had the ability to experiment with what works for me. It has been a long process and i’m sure that if I had of had more force and guidance earlier on than I would have made progress at a much faster and maybe more efficient rate.

I tried a lot of different ways to change my negative habits, from macro counting to meal plans and food exchange plans. Nothing worked. They all felt too much like another diet, as I found myself still restricting from what my body truly wanted. I have a hard time putting effort into something that I know isn’t going to last forever, in this case that thing was a meal plan.

It didn’t allow me to intuitive eat and when I would “break” what was put in front of me the guilt was too much. I felt restricted with eating a certain amount of food at a specific time.

Growing up food was never restricted nor was there ever a set diet that I was forced to eat. This is what I’m striving to get back to and by using a meal plan I felt like I was taking a step backwards.

My goal was to be able to eat intuitively, no calorie counting, no macros, and no fear foods which is finally what i’m seeing is possible with a lot of trier and error.

So what did work?  

The first step after admitting that I had a negative relationship towards food in general was to write down exactly what thoughts I knew I needed to change. Even though I would think over and over about what I knew that I could change in my mind, it wasn’t until I saw it on paper that I realized almost how silly and unrealistic my thoughts were.

The list wasn’t filled with just feared foods, to be honest the majority of the changes were related to either meal timing or rules that I had made up in my mind.

No eating more than one carb at a time

Morning snacks are a big NO-NO

and the best one… Fat will make you fat

Come to find out ALL of those rules were wrong, and needless to say have now been consistently broken.

I took it slow and made changes as I felt comfortable sticking to them. Once I would accomplish one I would move onto the next and so forth.

How did I know that I was eating enough for my body?

This is a tough one considering I don’t count calories daily and don’t religiously step on the scale BUT it has been possible. In the beginning I would count my calories (underestimating) every few days to make sure I was staying on track. This was easy because I was eating a lot of the same foods so at least I knew that I was eating on average what I figured my body needed. For me, I went with the “over 3000” calorie approach. I don’t want to label it as being minnie maud because i haven’t religiously followed all of the rules, but in the sense of calories that was my goal.

In the past 5 months of no calorie counting, no meal plans, no medical team and no restricting I have gained 17 pounds.

I learned to have trust in my body. 

This isn’t to say that meal plans don’t work, they just didn’t for me. Like a lot of things in life, we don’t know what works and what doesn’t until we try them out first hand.

What have you found has worked for you?

S’mores Questbar Review

I’ve been obsessed with Questbars since the day that I first tried my very first White Chocolate Raspberry one after seeing the commotion on my Instagram feed.

Sadly I don’t have the opportunity to try the new Mint Chocolate Chunk bars for another two months because the blonde in me got my box sent to my home address and not mine here in France!  Nevertheless I still have a brand spanking new box of s’mores waiting for me to enjoy!

Some of you may think

Why is she eating questbars if she’s not a bodybuilder, cross fitter, runner or any labelled athlete.

The truth is that they’re just too damn good not to.

Some people reward themselves with jewelry or clothes, yeah I just like expensive food, a lot.

When this flavor came out I wasn’t in a rush to try it to be honest simply because I’ve never been a huge s’mores fan. Of course that didn’t seem to stop me any considering that the majority of the bars I have tried even when I thought I wouldn’t like them, ended up being editable and worth the money.

The first thing I noticed about these bars was the texture and composition compared to the others. They actually held the shape of a bar and didn’t lose their form. 
 Baked or Raw? 

This is a tough one because there are very few that I actually enjoy raw but this one I definitely can handle with pleasure. That’s not to say that baking it isn’t amazing as well because I do love both ways. Verdict: Raw. 

Nutritional Content

These bars, hands down have the best overall nutrition for the buck. 180 calories, only 8 grams of fat (but lots of chocolate!), 23 grams of carbs, and a whopping 20 grams of protein, which I know we all love.

Check out the Quest Nutrition website and order yourself a box, or two!

Mini Pumpkin Protein Muffins

Today I woke up in a fairly good mood but soooo ready to get back into the kitchen considering it’s been over a week now of no baking! I guess mentally it’s been good for me to be more flexible with eating different things that aren’t made by yours truly but gosh have I ever missed spending my time doing what I love.

Being in the kitchen is almost like meditation for me. I’m able to be creative, alone and have the freedom to do whatever with whatever I want .. To a certain extent of course. Anyways, this morning I finally decided to open up the can of pumpkin puree I brought back with me from Canada at Christmas time! I only have at the maximum 2 months left abroad which is bittersweet to say the least.

Recipe

Ingredients

1 tbsp psyllium husk

1 egg

2 tbsp pumpkin purée

1 scoop vanilla protein powder

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp baking powder

Directions

Start by preheating the oven to 350 degrees.

Whip egg and add in pumpkin puree. Mix in dry ingredients.

Place in mini muffin tins (This made 8)

Bake for 15 mins.

Enjoy 😀

Ditch the Diet Rules

If you’re hungry but you feel that you shouldn’t because of a specific diet rule that you’re allowing to control your life, EAT.

Everyone is different.

Some people will gain on 2500, some on 1000.

Some will do better on 6 small meals with no snacks, others need to eat all day to be satisfied.

Once I gave up the rules that I was essentially creating for myself based on everyone else’s journey I’ve found a lot more progress, mentally that is.

Take those rules that you’re currently following and throw them out the window and focus on YOU. 

I can’t snack in the afternoon more than once

Breakfast shouldn’t be more than 500 calories

I need protein powder everyday to gain muscle

If it’s considered a “Bad” food or a “treat” I can’t eat it 

Realistically speaking I struggle on a daily basis with eliminating these rules, especially if I focus on all of them at once, but what I have found helpful is to pick one or two a week to work at overcoming.

Since ditching the rules….

• I feel relieved that i’m focusing on my own body’s needs
• I don’t feel guilty if i’m eating at 11 pm even though other’s might not be.
• If I wake up starving, that’s good and if I don’t that’s fine too, I just know that I still need to eat.
• I can enjoy parties and social gatherings
• I’ve become more flexible with eating and don’t feel the need to plan 24/7, HELLO less stress.

What diet rules are you trying to overcome? 

Coconut Cashew Pro-loaves

You all are aware of my love for questbars that I am sure of, but the coconut cashew flavour isn’t one that I consume alot of. Why? Couldn’t tell you because it’s actually delicious, minus the fact that it’s chunkless.

Thanks to my sample pack of questbars that I just recieved I figured that I would give it a go. The result was more than I expected to be honest. Maybe it’s because the sun is out and I was already in a good mood but these loaves were so light and airy and better yet, delicious!

Ingredients

1 Scoop Vanilla Protein Powder (I used Myprotein which you can order here)

1 egg

1.5 Tbsp Coconut Flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/3 cup steamed/riced cauliflower

3 Tbsp Water/Milk

1/2 questbar cut into chunks

Directions

First steam your cauliflower if you haven’t aready and let cool. Mash and add in rest of ingredients, ending with the questbar.

Bake for 20 mins at 350.

Remove and top with greek yogurt, cashews and coconut flakes!

Strawberry vanilla protein waffles

After having a rough start to the morning, finding a waffle maker in the back of the cupboard was probably one of the best things that could have happened. I’ve been without one for 8 months now and I have desperately been missing my waffles, little did I know that the family here actually does own one. I will admit it’s seen better days but hey it seemed to do the trick.

Waffles aren’t the easiest thing to make especially if you don’t grease the pan enough before adding in batter.. I’ve had pretty unsuccessful attempts in the past but this time I made sure I greased it well enough and guess what? They finally worked out. Don’t fear the oil.

I may be a little too proud at the fact that these didn’t fall apart or stick to the pan!  

Recipe:

1 tbsp kodiak cakes

1 tbsp coconut flour

2 tbsp vanilla protein powder

1 egg/2 egg whites

1 tbsp yogurt

1/2 tsp baking powder

Topping

Strawberries + vanilla protein fluff + whip cream

Directions:

First things first- GREASE your waffle maker. If not you will end up with a bowl of waffle crumbs instead of a nice stack

After greasing pan preheat the maker while you prepare the batter

Combine dry ingredients first, then add in liquid until combined

Pour into preheated mould and allow to cook thoroughly – Be Patient

Remove from maker and layer with yogurt and strawberries.

Don’t forget the whip cream! 🙂

Baked Tofu fries avec Herbes de Provence

First off you all might be thinking what in the hell is herbes de provence. It wasn’t until coming to France that I learned about this delicious herb that originated from southern France, hence why I probably hadn’t’ know about it before.

I’ve been using this herb to add flavor to my “meat” dishes for the past 6 months now, and I’ve really taking a liking to it. Of course you can make these with any spices that you desire, be creative!

Recipe:

250 grams tofu

1 garlic glove

1/2 tbsp herbes de provence

dash of rosemary

1-2 tbsp Dijon mustard

salt & pepper

1-2 tbsp olive oil

Marinade: Whisk all ingredients except tofu into a small bowl.

Slice tofu into 1/2 inch thick slices in the shape of fries if you desire. Of course you could essentially make any shape that you want!

Using the marinade brush mixture onto one side of tofu, then flip and repeat with the other side. I would suggest letting the marinade sit for 30 minutes to an hour to enhance the flavor.

Bake for 15-20 minutes at 425 or until golden brown.