From the moment I had opened my eyes in the morning I was already adding unneeded stress by trying to be as productive as I felt I should be. The idea of being perfect became my daily goal, but was never achieved because nothing was ever considered to be good enough.
No matter what I did or how much I succeeded I always felt that there was something more I couldn’t done to be essentially “Perfect”
Normal daily tasks that are simple to a typical human being became stressful as I made them more complicated than they needed to be.
It got to the point where I couldn’t go to the bathroom without taking my cell phone. As if I was being that much more productive by the whole 20 seconds I was in there.
Surfing the web soon became more work than play. My internet explorer was full of tabs every time I opened my computer and I couldn’t stay on my page any longer than 20 seconds before flipping to the next. Listening to lectures for school was the worst and I would have my cell phone out at the same time once again trying to do as much as I could.
I ignored people; I stopped being social. I felt that during that time with my friends I could be doing something much more productive instead of essentially wasting time with my friends. This ended in the loss of many relationships.
But what was the worst?
Exercise became a chore.
Sports, well exercise in general, were once the best things in my life. When I lost myself to this illness, I lost my love for what made me truly happy.
You see people everyday pushing themselves to do exercise unwillingly. People walking on the treadmill while scrolling through Facebook or catching up on the latest news on the big screen TV’s in front of them. Never did I think that I would become a part of that stereotype.
What happened to mindfully exercising for the pleasure of nourishing our bodies and for the simple endorphin’s we earn? We strive to be better, to be more productive, to be the best that we can be in order to fit
Personally it got so bad that I would tell myself I needed to go for a walk to “clear my head” yet the whole time I would be scrolling through my Instagram which inevitably was stressing me out even more without even realizing it. I mean I couldn’t do a plank without grabbing my cell phone to scroll through my feed once again.
This wasn`t the life that I wanted to live for the rest of my life and I knew that.
I want to enjoy exercise, I want to enjoy the time with friends and I want to enjoy life.
5 months and many self induced changes
It’s possible, don’t let anyone tell you any different
- Do you feel you stress yourself out?
- What coping mechanisms are you using?